The Home Birth Story of K, Baby Girl #3

My 3rd baby girl is 4 weeks old. Wow, that went fast. I can’t believe I have 3 girls! I go back and forth between thinking, “I have so many kids, how did this happen!?” …to “Oh, I want at least one more and if we don’t get a boy, maybe even another.”

But first, the short backstory on my prenatal care: I originally planned to have this baby at a birth center, but near the end of the pregnancy, I switched to a home birth because my last labor was so quick and I was afraid of not making it to the birth center in time. We planned to have 2 midwives attend the birth and I had preordered a home birthing kit, which included all the medical supplies they would need.

K was due on February 17th, which just slightly annoyed me because it’s an uneven number and that just felt off, and sometimes I care about those absolutely pointless things. But, she happened to be born on the 16th at 2:40pm, the day before my due date, so it all worked out. ANYWAY, I gained more weight with this pregnancy than my last. I was very uncomfortable at the end, major back pain, could not walk around for more than 10 minutes or so before I had to lay down on my left side and recover. I tried castor oil 3 times in the last 2 weeks of pregnancy. The first time did nothing, the 2nd time gave me mild contractions for about an hour, which then stopped. The third time was on the 16th and they did give me contractions, which turned into the real thing and then K was born shortly afterwards.

Her delivery was very fast. I started having mild contractions around 1pm on 1/16, a few hours after I took the castor oil. I wasn’t sure if they were the real thing, or just a fluke like the last time and since they weren’t extremely painful, I didn’t take them seriously until about 30 minutes before she was born when they turned very intense and there was no doubt it was the real thing. It was around 2pm when I texted my husband at work and I laugh now at what I wrote, because all I said was: “I’m having contractions and they are a little painful.” He immediately told his boss he had to leave and left work to come home, probably since he remembered how fast my last labor was (3 hours). While on his way home, I called the midwife. The office person answered and said she’d get the message to the on-call midwife right away. The moment my husband walked in the door, he started calling both midwives again on their personal cells and made sure they were leaving immediately.

My parents came to get the 2 older girls and when my Mom realized the baby was coming at any moment, she told Grandpa (my Dad) to take the girls to their place right away and she would stay. I don’t remember what she did while I was in labor, but I remember just a few minutes later, the baby was born, and she was saying, “Good job! Wow, good job!” as if I did a great job delivery her, haha!

The midwives did not make it before she was born. One arrived a few minutes after K came out but before the placenta was delivered. The other came about 10 minutes later. I was still having very painful contractions when the placenta was delivered and even for a little while after that. I continued to have afterpains during nursing and they really hurt. I did not have that with my 2 previous births, but I’ve heard that is normal and that the more children you have, the more painful the afterpains and contractions during breastfeeding can be. But, after a few days, they subsided and everything is fine now.

It was around 2:40 when K was actually born. I was on hands and knees on the floor in front of the bed. We had put blankets down everywhere on the floor. I didn’t even know she was coming until my water broke with one contraction, then with the next contraction her head was out and with the next contraction her whole body came out. It was very fast, but I remember the few seconds when just her head was out and that was the freakiest moment. I did not experience that with my previous birth because that baby came out completely in one push, so that moment of just her head being out was scary, but only a few seconds later she was all out.

During each contraction, I had to breathe very hard to deal with the pain. I was still having contractions when the placenta was coming and I remember the first midwife saying I needed to slow down my breathing or I would hyperventilate. I felt like that was very distracting and made the pain worse, so I was almost glad she wasn’t there when I was actually delivering the baby. This is the 2nd birth I’ve had unassisted, or with just my husband, since the last birth we didn’t make it to the hospital and then this time, we called the midwives but they didn’t make it until after she was born. I’m afraid I might like not being bothered while giving birth and if I have another one, I might be annoyed if my medical assistance actually gets there to “assist”. Even though they weren’t there during the birth, they were very helpful for the aftercare.

If we have another, I don’t know if I’ll do a home birth again. I liked the home birth experience for the actual delivery because I think being left alone to labor how my body needs has helped my labors be quick and effective, but I missed being taken care of in the hospital for the next 48 hours after birthing. The midwives were only there for a few hours after the birth, which was okay, but then we were alone and my husband had to help with getting me food and drink constantly and helping me go to the bathroom and taking our temperatures and all that. The midwives also helped clean everything up, but there were still a lot of things we had to clean from the home experience. In the hospital of course you use all their supplies and don’t have to clean up anything. I’m worried that the hospital would try to push interventions, which I obviously did not need, and a hospital birth is more expensive, but I wouldn’t say that birthing at home is the only way I’d do it again.

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I’m going to re-write this story in a time-line list format, because that is how my brain is working. I can’t seem to write intelligent sentences that don’t run-on forever and have innumerable unnecessary words in them. So, this is the same story, but might be easier to read.

Thursday, February 16, 2017:

7am: Wake up, get girls ready, eat breakfast

8am: Coffee. Oh wait, coffee made me sick at the end of my pregnancy, so I hadn’t had it for a few months.

9am: Took 3 tablespoons of castor oil in milk, let’s see what it does…

10am-12noon: Not sure what happened during this time.

1pm: Started having contractions. Used an app on my phone to time them, they were regular right away and about 5 min apart.

1:45pm: Contractions were painful so I thought it might be the real deal. Texted my husband that: “I’m having contractions and they are a little painful”. He immediately leaves work to come home.

1:50pm: Contractions are 3 to 5 min apart and very painful. I call midwife office. I have one contraction while on phone. I tell her to wait a min because I’m having a contraction. When I come back on the line she says I did a good job breathing through that one. She says she is calling the on-call midwife right away.

2pm: My husband is home and he’s calling both midwives again on their personal cell to make sure they are coming now. My parents arrive and Grandpa takes the older girls home with him and my Mom stays here.

2:20pm: I’m in the bath tub because I think I’m going to have a water birth in our big tub (because the midwife said I could do that) and I’m in so much pain I feel like I just have to be in the water now. My husband immediately calls the midwife, who is on her way, to ask her if it’s okay I’m in the tub. She says no, don’t get in the tub now, because she’s not there to assist me and she is worried about an unassisted birth in the tub. She says tub is fine, but she wants to be there first. My husband yells at me to get out and I say wait because I’m having another contraction. After that contraction I get out. I’m wearing a long tank top and I put a big towel around me since I’m all wet now.

2:30pm-ish: I immediately have to be on the floor on hands and knees because that’s what my body wants to do during contractions. My husband says to get on the bed. It’s all ready with plastic protection and old sheets on top. I don’t want to be on the bed, I want to be on the floor on a hard surface. So, I stay on the floor at the foot of the bed. I lean with my face against the bed and knees on floor. This is the position that feels best.

2:35pm: I know the baby is coming because I start screaming with each contraction and have that feeling that my hips are ripping apart. My water breaks with the next contraction.

2:40pm: With the next contraction the baby’s head comes out. The head is only out for a few seconds but it feels like eternity. I feel the head and wonder what I should do. I have another contraction and the rest of the baby comes out.

2:41pm: The baby is out and on the floor and my husband is putting a towel on her. She is crying and bright purple. I am still in shock, still having contractions, and shaking and feel like I can’t move. I try to lay down on my side to see the baby but I can hardly move. The placenta has not come out yet and I’m still having painful contractions so I feel like I can’t focus on the baby.

2:42pm: I finally am able to lay down on my side for a few seconds and look at the baby and the midwife arrives. She is happy and says we did a great job. She immediately looks at the baby and wraps her in the towel and then does some other stuff that I don’t remember.

2:45pm: I have many more very painful contractions. It’s hard to focus on my new baby because I still feel like I’m in labor. Finally the placenta is delivered. A few minutes later the midwife cuts the cord and they help me move to the bed and lay down with baby.

3pm: The 2nd midwife arrives and she does the newborn exam and they both busy themselves cleaning up and other things. I take an herbal bath which is basically just a bath with a pack of herbs steeped in the bath water. It makes the water brown and I smell like tea, it’s very relaxing. The midwife uses an ink pad to make stamps of the baby’s feet, then gives me the baby in the bath to wash off.

4pm or later: My memory is blurry about what we did the rest of the day, but I remember I ate some scrambled eggs and laid in bed with baby and nursed. She was very fussy the first night but when my milk came in the next day, she was much happier and slept better.

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Random thoughts and memories with no chronological order:

  • At one point, I was annoyed that my husband would not use my very nice camera to take pictures. I have been a photographer and have a professional camera, but it’s very big and he doesn’t like using it. He’s probably intimidated by it, so we only have crappy cell phone pics from the birth that I’d never show to anyone.
  • I was extremely hungry and thirsty for several days after birthing. I woke up every hour or so to pee and then drink an entire bottle of a water/juice mixture. I would fill a large bottle with mostly water and maybe 1/4 cranberry juice.
  • I was overly confident about breastfeeding, because I never had a problem breastfeeding my other two, so I introduced a pacifier to baby girl a day after my milk came in. I wanted to make sure she would take the pacifier, so I didn’t want to wait too long to let her try it. But, that made her confused and she forgot how to latch on and she was confused for another day or so. I totally stopped the pacifier and struggled to get her to learn how to latch on again. I was sad because I know I caused that problem and I should have just waited for the pacifier. But, all is good now, she’s a breast feeding expert again and I waited another week and gave her the pacifier again so now we are great with both of them. Now I have to remember to try to pump and try a bottle. I hate pumping, it’s so boring/annoying/time-consuming, but I’d like the ability to give a bottle to grandma if I want to go out for a few hours in the future.
  • I feel really fat. I know it’s only 4 weeks after her birth, but that’s the truth, I hate how I look. There is no clothing in the world that helps me feel attractive. I feel best in long cotton stretchy dresses with a pair of cotton shorts underneath. It’s hot in the south here so a stretchy tank dress is working out well. I just pull down the front for nursing and cover with a baby blanket if out in public. I feel like the long dress sorta covers all the bumps that will take a while to go away. And it makes me feel feminine and nothing is restrictive. I only wear flip flips. I hate all shoes. My feet were big to begin with and with my last pregnancy they became a size bigger and stayed that way. I have to admit to myself that I now wear a size 12 women’s shoe, yes, shocking, get over it. I am tall, 5’10, but not super tall, just have big feet. I was always a size 11, but after pregnancies, my feet are probably a permanent 12. I do not buy shoes in stores. Well, actually I don’t ever buy shoes, I only wear flip flops. Enough with the big feet rant.
  • I hate going out with all 3 girls. Pain in the butt to get them all ready and get all the crap we need and then get all 3 of them in the car. So, I do everything possible to not go out with all of them. I try to have grandma take the 2 year old if I have to take the 5 year old to ballet, then I only have to take the baby with me. Or, I wait until my husband is home in the evening and I can run out if I have to get something at the store. But, actually I never do that anymore, because I’ve discovered Kroger’s click list ordering service, so I can order our groceries online and then go pick them up.
  • It’s only been a month but I feel like this baby has been with us forever. I have had moments where I’m embarrassed that someone notices I have 3 kids. As if 3 kids were a lot! Ha! I even want one more, but I feel like I can’t admit that to anyone who has 3 or less. So ridiculous. I have friends with 4 kids and I feel like they are crazy, how can they have so many kids?! But, they only have 1 more than me! What am I talking about?! I honestly, secretly, in my imagination, would like 6 kids, but mostly because I want to have lots of kids when I’m older so that I have a big family around me, lots of grandkids and I want to feel like I’m a part of a big family. I always wished I had more siblings as a kid, so maybe that’s part of it. But, hey, I have 3 girls now, so that’s a good start.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Girls

I’m pregnant again. And it’s another girl. A third girl. Yay. I always wanted sisters while growing up, so God is blessing me with daughters who have sisters. We had genetic testing done since I’m “old” according to my OB (35) and she’s perfect. After getting the “perfect” diagnosis, I’ve transferred my care from the OB to a midwife at a birthing center, so I’ll be doing the all natural thing again. Last time my labor was so fast I had the baby unassisted at home in the bathroom, so I’m not afraid of much with birth anymore, I guess that’s what happens the more you have kids. I’ve been really sick this pregnancy, more than the last ones. I was on the Whole30 diet before getting pregnant again, but when I became pregnant, all the food on the diet made me want to barf, so it’s been pretty impossible to eat that way. I’m still feeling a lot of food aversions. Salads, raw veggies, lots of meat make me totally sick, which is crazy, since that’s mostly what I ate for 2 months before this. Pregnant women are crazy. Oh, and I’m 14 weeks along now, due in February. The genetic testing enabled us to find out the gender earlier than usual. Amazing they can figure that out with just a blood test.

 

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The worst blogger on earth

I’m pretty sure I’m the worst blogger on earth, because I never blog consistently, and when I do, it’s always about something on a polar opposite scale of the last thing I talked about, (sigh), but that’s how my brain works, too many ideas in all different directions and it’s definitely worse after having kids 🙂 I changed my URL from my name and moved everything to this new domain: www.mommybrainiac.com, which you are on right now. It looks like I’m trying to insinuate that I am highly intelligent, but I actually was looking for a name along the lines of the opposite of that thought: Mommy Brain, which is foggy, slow and almost dim witted, which is how I feel a lot of the times after having children. So, Mommy Brain was not available, but this was the next best thing. I changed my domain because I’m using another business website that has my name in it, and the last thing I want is a client to accidentally put in my fullname.com and start reading my very unprofessional blabber mouth blog and be like, what?! this is the person I hired?

So, that’s what’s up with that.

The sadness of miscarriage, not wallowing in the pain, and thoughts of eternity

At 10 weeks, we had an ultrasound, but there was no heartbeat and the baby only measured 6 weeks. We had a few HCG tests to verify that levels were going down, so we knew the baby wasn’t alive.

It is very sad, but I’m glad it happened early, as it would have been more devastating if the baby grew much bigger and then passed away. Any type of loss is hard. I’ve spoken with several friends who have also lost a baby, so it is sad how common it is, but God is in control.

I am okay about it and I’m taking it as an opportunity to focus on healing, recovery, and improving my health and looking for God’s direction in my life. I started the Whole30 nutritional program and am on day 5 today. I’ve always loved food, cooking, and health. I have followed a similar diet in the past that eliminated dairy and grains, and I did it for about a year and felt great, but I fell into bad habits again.

If anyone is reading this and is interested in doing the Whole30 program with a group of about 18 other women, I created a FB group where we are supporting each other while going through the program. We are sharing our progress, recipes and tips as we go along. You can join here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/990424614371281/

Another area in my life that I am unsettled about is whether I should continue being a stay at home mom or go back to work. I do still have our internet business and it is doing okay, but it’s been stalled and I’m running out of interest in it. I have a very busy mind and it is hard for me to just be at home all the time and not be creating something or working on some project. I had an interview and was even offered one position, but it wasn’t exactly what I wanted, so I declined and haven’t done anything further with looking. I also am not settled about my youngest attending child care every day. My oldest loves school and I’m sure she’d do fine, but my 20 month old is still my baby and needs to be with me.

Right in the middle of considering going back to work and finding out details and having an interview and considering one option, I found out I was pregnant and then miscarried, so it really put all of that on hold and my mind is not even close to being back there to consider it again.

When I think about options in my life, there are always 2 ways to look at things. Am I looking at this option from my position on earth, wanting earthly things, more money, or am I looking at this from a view of eternity? As a Christian, this is not our home. We will live on this earth for a temporary time, and then we’ll be in heaven for eternity where the amount of money or gain on earth will not matter. It is so trivial. Of course, let’s be wise with our money and do our best with our time here, but let’s also be content with what we have and not always looking for more on earth. I will be honest, my reason for going back to work would be to make more money, so we could buy a bigger house, so I could pay for more activities for my kids, but also for personal recognition. I might be smart and gifted, but no one will know unless I get a real “job” and can show others my skills. All of that is okay, but I don’t need to do that and it can become self-centered, always looking at myself. My husband makes a good income and I am blessed to not have to work outside the home. I am blessed to be able to have started a business at home, since all businesses require some starting capital.

Some things in life require a trigger, some kind of deep hurt or pain to propel you toward something better. I want to use this pain for good. I’m praying for wisdom and practicing focusing my mind on heavenly things, so I can make these earthly decisions in light of where I am going, not just where I am now.

Moved to Texas and Baby #3

We moved to Texas the week of Christmas. We are renting a nice big house. We lived in a condo before, so everything here looks so big. We have a back yard, how cool is that?

Everyone here is so nice, and we love the warmer weather. It’s sunny most of the time, unless there is a tornado warning. There are tons of things to do in this city, so many restaurants, shopping, parks, everything. There is a church and preschool on every corner.

We also found out that we are expecting baby #3. It was quite a shock and I still can’t believe it. I did have a blood test to confirm but also going this week to hear the heartbeat to completely confirm.

 

A Letter to My Girls, Age 4 and 18 Months

Eva is 4 and Gracie is 18 months.

You are both so little, but growing so fast, right before my eyes.

I am so proud of you Eva! We recently made a big move to Texas and you started at a brand new preschool. It was hard for you, because you had 3 very best friends at your old school, and you had to leave them and start over in a new place. But, you are doing so well! You’ve met new friends and are slowly making your way. Slow and steady wins the race! Keep being consistent. I love how you love things and are excited about life!

Gracie is saying so many words and sentences! You make funny faces and love to dance. I recently weaned you from nursing and you were totally cool about it! It was dreading it, thinking it would be hard, but you’re getting so big and it was all okay! You are no longer a baby, but a fast moving toddler, ready for a new adventure every day.

 

 

“Against All Grain” Paleo Meal Plan – Week 1

So, I got Danielle Walker’s “Meals Made Simple” paleo cook book because it had an 8 week meal plan with shopping lists and I like following lists, and need to randomly try new things with cooking, since it gets old.

PaleoFoodBook

I decided to buy exactly everything on the week 1 shopping list. (I made a copy of the page from the book instead of ripping it out.) I went to Meijer AND I decided NOT to buy everything organic. With the paleo diet, the most important thing is quality, as organic, local and natural as possible. I do try to eat many things organic, but I just can’t do it all the time as sometimes the prices are ridiculous or they don’t exist in organic at certain stores. So, here was my shopping list and Eva had fun helping me go down the list and search for each item. It was actually a lot of fun for her to help me out. We checked off each item as we found it.

PaleoFoodShoppingList

Here is a picture of what I got. I went to Meijer instead of Costco like I usually do, because I didn’t want to buy in bulk. I wanted to buy exactly the amount that was on the list and no more. And they do have a good selection of organic foods as well. I was happy to have only spent $118 for a weeks worth of food. I was surprised. This seems like a lot of food. BUT, then I came home and reviewed the meal plan and found out the plan is only for dinners! I was disappointed, but then felt that this was still a lot of food, and I can do leftovers for lunches, or just eggs or simple stuff for breakfast. I was hoping to not have to think about anything and just follow the list, so was a little sad.

PaleoFoodWk1

One thing I could not find was pancetta, which is an Italian bacon, so I just bought extra regular uncured bacon instead. A jicama was on the list and that is something I’ve never eaten. It’s a Mexican tuberous root, maybe like a potato? I’m not sure, but we’ll see how it is. Other new foods on the list were a fennel bulb and fish sauce! I’m looking forward to trying a week of “almost” paleo. I know the purists will say it is blasphemy since everything is not completely organic (gasp!), but I did my best.

By the way, I love this simple quote. Give yourself (and others) GRACE:

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Mothering 2 Girls is Hard & An Update on the Business

I’ve been MIA for 4 months, so thought I’d check in. Mothering 2 girls is really hard. At least for me. I feel overwhelmed a lot. I think it’s the noise. When I hear a baby yelling plus a 3 year old talking non-stop at the same time, my brain partly shuts down. I’m sure it’s my personality combined with being with 2 children 24-hours a day non-stop every day. Brain fog, bad memory, don’t know what day it is. Anyway, all the pain is worth it, on to the good stuff.

Grace is 11 months old, how did that happen? She was a very easy baby, usually relaxed, but now that she’s almost walking and very active, she’s very verbal, into everything, loves non-stop attention. I love my girls more than anything. They are amazingly beautiful, smart and happy. We just were in Spain for 2 weeks and strangers were always coming up to us or them and saying how beautiful they were and asking their names. Very sweet. Spanish people are so kind and generous. It was hard traveling with 2 young kids, but such great memories were made. I can’t wait to do it again.

Our business we started 4 months ago is doing great and just keeps growing. I want to blog more about the business, so that I can remember and look back, and perhaps to help others who want to work from home and create a real business that can scale without adding more hours to the day. Right now we sell 1 product in our e-commerce store and on Amazon. The goal is to create a line of complimentary products in our brand. We have our 2nd product in production. It’s a private label product which means after months of research and learning about this business model, I found a manufacturer who creates this product for me, designs a package and label with our brand, and ships it directly to our fulfillment center. I never have to see the product, or deal with any orders or shipping. With the first order, I do need to see it to make sure it’s of the quality I want, etc., but after confirming that the product is to my specifications, all future orders can be directly shipped from manufacturer to distribution center. Removing the work of fulfillment and shipping is just amazing. We ran this business from our smart phone in Spain while on vacation. It is the dream business so far.

I won’t share the product that we sell on here, because private label e-commerce has become a competitive environment online and even though we’re not creating new products out of thin air, we are selling something that already exists and we have worked hard to make our brand different, better, higher value, or have some slight difference that attracts our market to us and others might just want to copy this exact idea. If you know me in person then you already know what I sell and I’m happy to talk to any real-life friends or family about it, I just won’t publish it publicly online.

I want to talk about the money because that’s the point of a business, to make money. We started with a business account with $5,000 in it. That was our initial investment and we’ve had all profit and expenses go in and out of that and so far have not invested anything further, which is great. I want this to be a separate business entity. Obviously we made an initial investment, but I don’t want to pour my life savings into something and not know when it’s going to start making me money, so we made it separate from the start so it could live and die on it’s own and eventually I’ll take an income from it.

Our product sold an average of 13 a day the last 30 days. Our highest sales day was 31 units. Here’s a shot of our last 30 days of sales. Our profit after expenses was around $3,000 for the last 30 days, which is awesome for 1 product. We hope to duplicate that with the next.

Capture

So far, most profit is going back into the business in order to scale and expand. I decided just this month to take out only $500 a month, which will cover Eva’s part-time preschool starting in the fall.

The challenge now is balancing being a full-time stay at home mother to 2 amazing girls, and running a business that can easily scale. I have lists of ideas and leads for other products, but I have to be disciplined to not be absorbed by it. I can’t fulfill every good idea. Start with one and then go to the next.

Where have I been?

celebrate

Life has been busy. I started 2 businesses. One was just helping my Dad to start up a business that he is running for himself. I helped him set up the legal documents, website, advertising, etc. The other is a business of my own that I’ve been researching for several months. I’ve always wanted to work from home with my own business where I make the decisions and I (hopefully) determine my own success, so now is the time. (Well, probably 5 years ago was the time, but no point in entertaining regret.)

I actually have been working from home the past few years, but I was working for another organization, paid by the hour, and there were a list of things that I did not enjoy and I couldn’t do a thing about them. Now I am creating something new, and it is fun! I have been researching/obsessing/evaluating business ideas and plans for several months now. I had one business model I was going to follow for a while, but then somehow, I’m not even sure how exactly, I fell upon this other idea that I now know is the right thing. I’m not going to say exactly what it is yet, because I’m just starting and don’t want to share too much, but hopefully I’ll elaborate more in the future.

The business I’m creating I didn’t even know I could create. I didn’t know I was allowed to without some special authority. I thought I had to be “someone” who did those things. But, I’m learning that is not the case. I’ve learned about all the legal requirements and how, in some ways, things are much easier to do than I thought. The perfect thing about this business is that I can start as small as I want and I can control how much it scales. More to come on that…

About my two girls

Well, Eva turned 3 in January and we had a big party and she’s been talking about parties ever since. Pretty much every day she has her own “party” and sets up her animals and tea set and says “happy birthday”. So, the party lives on! We bought Eva a big-girl bed. A twin size with new sheets and everything. She had zero issues transitioning, so no big deal and she still sleeps great. I kept her in her crib as long as humanly possible, but Grace really needed to move to the big crib and was getting too small for the bassinet, so we made the switch really quick when Grace was ready.

Grace is 7 months and crawling everywhere. She is the happiest baby. Everyone calls her the chill baby. When we go out, everyone wants to hold her because she just sits and is calm. What a blessing to have such a calm and happy baby!

We had a long tortuous winter as normal. (I hate snow and I especially hate the cold.) But, it has started to melt and spring is coming. Every year I imagine when we’re going to move somewhere warmer.

We started going to a new church! Eva is in an amazing preschool class and Grace is her totally-chill self in the nursery! Eva loves it and even asks throughout the week if we are going to the “new church” today. They have an Awana program that we might put her in next year.

A Curse of Motherhood: Why I am Now an Idiot

Before I had children, I considered myself intelligent, sharp, easily able to notice details, find solutions to problems and remember the names of my friends.  Since I have birthed 2 children, and it’s only gotten worse with the second, I know nothing. I can’t remember what day is it, I can’t remember if I ate breakfast today, or that I might need to cook dinner tonight for my family. If you are my friend and I have forgotten your name, I am sorry, because apparently my brain has decided that is not important information at this time in my life. Birthdays? No way, people don’t have birthdays, that is hilarious, and definitely not something my brain would ever remember.

The week before Christmas, I decided to make cookies for, like, every person that I know. All the neighbors, all friends and relatives nearby. I decided I would quadruple the recipe and attempt to smash 4 times the ingredients into my mixer, because that was normal.  Needless to say, half of the batter was mixed in the bowl and the other half oozed out over the side and made Eva laugh hysterically. I had the normal response, cry and then attempt to take turns mixing ¼ of the explosion and then stirring it all together by hand. Yum.

I also made some homemade skin lotions for gifts this Christmas and I printed a nice label to put on the tins. I forgot to list one key ingredient and I wrote the wrong year on the expiration date. Who cares! I’m done wasting labels! No one will notice that it supposedly expired 6 months ago! And if they do, I won’t care or even remember! So, if you get one from me, you’ll know how much anxiety and forgetfulness went into making it. Prior to children, I never would have made mistakes like this. Typos? Forgotten words in writing? Never! I handed out some to some ladies at our church, and I tried to give one to a lady twice because I didn’t remember that I had just given her one 5 minutes ago. Yes, it’s that bad.

I used to love to cook and try new recipes. Now we eat eggs for dinner a lot. Oh, we already ate scrambled eggs 3 times this week? Well, I don’t remember anything about that, so it doesn’t count!

Tell me it gets better and the brain does eventually return to its prior state of health. It’s possible I had this same problem after having Eva and it got better, but clearly, I don’t remember that transition.

I love my children dearly, but I really miss my mind.